HOUSE
Another year, another list of random observations: Why do we personify years? January First is literally just the next day. Yet we speak about a calendar year as if it were a character in a 1940s radio play.
At Walmart on Black Friday I saw many people hauling out large TVs.
Is that still a thing? Do people actually watch TV? Together? In one room?
People walk this Earth who remember everything I’ve ever said to them going back forever. This amazes me. And tells me how often I say things to people just to try to conclude the conversation and stop having to talk with them.
Isn’t it strange that junior high literature teachers made us read two novels where the kids had to shoot their pets?
How Texans give directions: “Um, yeah, you go outta town south on Bugsnatch Highway, then turn left at the abandoned mobile home with the broken privacy fence onto OLD Bugsnatch Road. Go about 2 miles, then turn left again on Old Tallyrand Road. You’ll know you went too far if Old Bugsnatch Road becomes Puffinwinkel Road.
After the third cattle guard, turn right at the armadillo and go about a third of a mile over a potholed lane until you see two oak trees, and you’re there. Gate code is 0-00-0. Throw a stick for the 3-legged dog and he won’t bite you.”
The greatest disconnect is between how a cinnamon roll looks versus how a cinnamon roll tastes.
I call people who overshare online “Sharies.” Why would I want to click through 43 pictures labeled “photo dump?”
Artificial Intelligence canNOT have insight. All of its output is derivative, like a Midwesterner commenting on the weather at a church potluck.
The only time I feel like I am a decent writer is when I enjoy reading something I don’t remember writing. That is why writers improve as they get older, because there is a larger body of work they don’t remember writing.
The minute you start reminiscing about past accomplishments, you stop creating new ones (see previous paragraph).
Why is the one thing you’ve done every day of your life never gotten easier? By that I mean getting out of bed in the morning.
In all the education courses I took in college, no professor ever stated that learning is fun. Turn any toddler loose in the house and follow them around as they explore. It’s a grand adventure.
You can’t stop them from learning. Until they start school.
I don’t really understand how pencil erasers work.
I love when a TV news reader announces what they will cover after the break, so you don’t have to stay tuned: “When we return, we’ll discuss the Ucranium-Rustler war…”
How can an 18-month-old child have a dreadful fear of spiders, when they’ve never seen one before? It must be an instinctual memory.
You people who travel around the world: Would you still do it if you couldn’t tell anyone about it?
If cars had never been invented, we would be facing a huge manure disposal problem.
Why is a frozen giant bluefin tuna so valuable, when it just tastes like tuna?
Why are grandmas such over-estimators of quantities? They always make food for 25 for a party of eight.
Why do all rural men and women wear the same hairstyle from 40 years ago?
What they tell you: Made fresh daily.
What they don’t tell you: That day was a week ago.
Retail store owners are just landlords for goods.
They buy things and keep them in tiny compartments, until you need them and come by the store to pay their rent and take them home.
What’s wrong with the world today?
G.K. Chesterton said, “I am.”
Blaming everyone else won’t make a bit of difference.
But improving yourself, will.
Phil Houseal is a writer and owner of Full House PR. Contact him for help with press releases, social media, web content, and copywriting. www.Full-HousePR.com fullhousephil.substack.com/
